About a year ago, I rescued two
pitch-black Great Dane pups. Although these gentle giants are lovable,
they lack good manners.
Each day, Lurch
and Lila’s tails spank and sting my legs, like wet leather whips.I have to continually shuffle my feet whenever I’m around
the dogs or Lila will put her humongous paw smack dab on top of my shoe pinning
me into place, while her brother Lurch attacks me from behind placing his nose
in impolite places making me squeal and leap just high enough that I end up
riding him like a horse.
I dread grocery
day because both of the dogs have to stick their snouts in each and every
Wal-Mart bag as I’m hauling them in. One time I tried to
outsmart the little darlings by holding the provisions way up high however,
Lurch licked my armpit as Lila reared up and jerked a 12 pack of paper towels
out of my firm grip and then proceeded to run like the wind. As usual, the
brats double-teamed me!
I learned the
hard way that Lurch and Lila assume that everything I bring into the yard is a
toy.The first day of spring, I placed a beautifully painted Adirondack wooden chair in the front yard. Venturing
outside an hour later I found the chair turned into kindling and the screws
strewn all over the driveway. Oh yeah, I was a tad upset and turned the air
blue.
Oh please, not even the cars are safe. Lurch or Lila chewed the black bumper pad off
the back of my mini van, which I later found ‘safe’ under the blankets in their
doghouse. And…if that is not enough, the little darlings
managed to rip the large side mirror off Old Blue, my 1985 Ford truck. Shall I mention the
day I almost had a come apart when I glanced up and saw Lila looking down into
the cars’ sunroof, like it was a fishbowl! (Note
to self: Always close the sunroof!)
I realized nothing was sacred the day I discovered Lurch and Lila
playing tug-of-war in the front yard with one of my silky designer nightgowns.
Lets be honest here…I will admit I flew out the door waving my arms and
screaming like a mad woman. Oh, yes, of course they stopped. They looked at
me…and then took off running…with the
nightgown stretching to the breaking point.
Now…one night last week, I was in bed watching TV, reading a book, and sucking
down Rolos. (I call that multitasking.)I hear ‘ding-dong’. How could there
be anyone at the door? I never heard barking. How could a stranger get by Lurch
and Lila? What are they good for…stupid dang watchdogs!
Squinting, I see the shadow of a head pressed against the
glass peeking in the window. As I grab my glasses off the top of the dresser, I
jump at my own reflection in the mirror. Obviously, I’m spooked. I silently
scoot up to the front door. My heart is pounding. I get on the tips of my toes
to peer out the window as I flip ‘on’ the porch-light. Our eyes meet. I scream
bloody murder. Oh, for crying aloud…it’s Lurch!
Marmaduke and ScoobyDoo you’ve been out
high-jinxed…by a couple of lovable rescue dogs.
